Where am I? Who are you?

Today I found myself lost... I had forgotten where I was. I had no sense of direction. I still haven't realized I'm here in the middle of the ocean, this isn't North America anymore. I'm closer to China than I am to my home town, my friends, my family...

It wasn't hard to say goodbye at first. It was different. I could at least text them, or drive to where they are on a holiday weekend. No.. I'm cut off from them.

I had been suddenly re-introduced to my past, and ever since then... everything seems temporary. It makes me run away from commitment, I hide from the ropes that want to tie me down. Is there a point. Either way I'm going to have to say goodbye. It's sad to think that everyone I know here now, won't exist in two years... I don't have any solid connections to anyone. I don't have those friend that I can trust no matter what, that friend that I didn't have to tell my life story to because they lived it with me. I miss that. I miss it terribly...

Where am I? Who are you?

Today I found myself lost... I had forgotten where I was. I had no sense of direction. I still haven't realized I'm here in the middle of the ocean, this isn't North America anymore. I'm closer to China than I am to my home town, my friends, my family...

It wasn't hard to say goodbye at first. It was different. I could at least text them, or drive to where they are on a holiday weekend. No.. I'm cut off from them.

I had been suddenly re-introduced to my past, and ever since then... everything seems temporary. It makes me run away from commitment, I hide from the ropes that want to tie me down. Is there a point. Either way I'm going to have to say goodbye. It's sad to think that everyone I know here now, won't exist in two years... I don't have any solid connections to anyone. I don't have those friend that I can trust no matter what, that friend that I didn't have to tell my life story to because they lived it with me. I miss that. I miss it terribly...

:/ Another lonely day

It's just one of those days again.. eh O.K. I just want to say that time should be spent wisely. I've been lacking in this area in my life. Procrastination always gets the best of me. HELP!! anyone? NO? O.K. I understand. I'm pretty sure we all have this problem. I'm so much so sunk in the drain, slowing slipping down. Good thing I'm not a garbage disposal or I'd be done for.

Dear Optimism,

HEY!!! Mr. Positive! Can I just grovel in my self pitty!

I'm sorry but I'm can't do this

I wish someone could save me... I know I should be grateful for what has been given to me and should stop complaining but I hate this. I walked around for a bit and everyone from their car's gave me horrible looks. I walked down this path behind a bunch of warn buildings that had rust on the roofs and paint pealing off from the corner of the walls. I had the feeling like I was going to get mugged. I was scared to takeout my camera! I thought that I was complaining over nothing. That it wasn't going to be as bad as I thought. I hop this hotel is just in a really ghetto part and my house is in a better part of the island. I can't handle this rough atmosphere. I've been sitting in this room since and ate a whole 13 oz bin of two bite cinnamon rolls and a plum watching iCarly. I just want to go home. At least at home I felt safe.

It's Dark at the End of the Tunnel

Well ever since I've been here I just want to go home. The I realize that I'm here. This is the house I live in but It's not a home. The word "home" should be an adjective not a noun. This doesn't feel like home. I keep thinking that in a week or two I'll be getting back on the planes.

Before all this when I still lived in Beaver Dam I had this feeling that I was so pose to be there. I felt safe, I didn't worry, I knew everything was going to okay, and everything was going to work. Now... I don't know. I don't have that same sense, that sense that gave you comfort of a future. It's like when you make plans with your friends to do something later. You know you're going to do it. Your canvas is painted with all the things that's going to happen.

While I'm here, that sense is gone. My canvas is blank. I feel like something Is going to happen. That I won't make it to the first day of my Junior year. I don't mean I'm going to be late I mean I won't exist anymore. I used to be able to picture myself walk down the isle to graduation, to my first job, my wedding but now, I can't see it. It makes me scared. I've gone down the wrong road. What do you do when you take the wrong fork in the road and the pavement stops. "I can't see"

Nearing to the end

Well... I've accomplished laughing my face off and horribly sobbing at the same time. I really didn't know where to put my emotion... but it was for a good cause maybe. It got a few people away from a sad moment.

awaiting tomorrow is a river and puffy eyes.. (Yay) I can't wait to see my friends off tomorrow. Hopefully it will be filled with see you soons rather than goodbyes.

how can you call it a forrest if it's just one tree? how can you call it a tree if you cut off it's branches? all that's left is a solo tree trunk standing in the middle with no pride.

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Summer... EH. Week one

Well I can't say this has started out how I planned. This week I Preformed the routine of ... cleaning, eating, sleeping, eating, watching TV, eating, sitting, and the occasional bike ride at five. Why would I spend my first week of freedom like this? ... I have no IDEA! I guess I could have been a lot more productive.... yeah I could of. The reason I have reached this strange behavior is because all my friends left on a cruise to MEXICO.... but it's for their Senior trip so I guess it's fair as to why I was left behind. (I'm only a Sophomore) My weekend didnt go as planned either but I guess there's nothing exciting about planning out your life.

What has happened?

February 23, 2011

For the past month i've felt like the world has fallen on me and I can't breathe! I really miss my dad i got into it with my mom again and I can't help but check on Tyler's status to see if he would even think of a second, " Melanie was the best thing in my life! Why did I ever let her go?" YA that's never going to happen ever!

Well.. guess what today i checked it and idk if he was just saying it but my friend jessica said" i thought you liked me" and he said "of course i love you jessica" and then she replied ":)" WTF!!! Ugh hate how you get soo addicted to things that make your life 30% public because 20% of you want to get an affect from someone, 10% you're bored out of your mind and 40% you want to see if someone cares! It's so rediculouse!

My mom got into a fight with me about how I never can do anything right, I need to lose weight, I cause all my problems, blah blah and blah! What kind of mother says that to her teen daughter that has to deal with her apperance everyday and highschool. I MEAN REALL!!?!?

My life up untill i was 11 the only person that ever loved me was my dad. I didn't live with him but he raised me while my mom went to school and i guess she saw that me and my dad had a better connetion. So she just left me to be raised from by him and live with her. I really makes me that she didn't even try to make a relationship with me. I barely started to have conversations with her about my life. I'm 15 i haven't spoken to her about my life for fifteen years.