Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
I wish someone could save me... I know I should be grateful for what has been given to me and should stop complaining but I hate this. I walked around for a bit and everyone from their car's gave me horrible looks. I walked down this path behind a bunch of warn buildings that had rust on the roofs and paint pealing off from the corner of the walls. I had the feeling like I was going to get mugged. I was scared to takeout my camera! I thought that I was complaining over nothing. That it wasn't going to be as bad as I thought. I hop this hotel is just in a really ghetto part and my house is in a better part of the island. I can't handle this rough atmosphere. I've been sitting in this room since and ate a whole 13 oz bin of two bite cinnamon rolls and a plum watching iCarly. I just want to go home. At least at home I felt safe.
Well ever since I've been here I just want to go home. The I realize that I'm here. This is the house I live in but It's not a home. The word "home" should be an adjective not a noun. This doesn't feel like home. I keep thinking that in a week or two I'll be getting back on the planes.
Before all this when I still lived in Beaver Dam I had this feeling that I was so pose to be there. I felt safe, I didn't worry, I knew everything was going to okay, and everything was going to work. Now... I don't know. I don't have that same sense, that sense that gave you comfort of a future. It's like when you make plans with your friends to do something later. You know you're going to do it. Your canvas is painted with all the things that's going to happen.
While I'm here, that sense is gone. My canvas is blank. I feel like something Is going to happen. That I won't make it to the first day of my Junior year. I don't mean I'm going to be late I mean I won't exist anymore. I used to be able to picture myself walk down the isle to graduation, to my first job, my wedding but now, I can't see it. It makes me scared. I've gone down the wrong road. What do you do when you take the wrong fork in the road and the pavement stops. "I can't see"
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Well... I've accomplished laughing my face off and horribly sobbing at the same time. I really didn't know where to put my emotion... but it was for a good cause maybe. It got a few people away from a sad moment.
awaiting tomorrow is a river and puffy eyes.. (Yay) I can't wait to see my friends off tomorrow. Hopefully it will be filled with see you soons rather than goodbyes.